Don’t Excise Me! Love Makes a Family
I haven’t posted anything for quite a while. This is probably not the best way to dive back into the pool, but I read something on a blog recently that disturbed me and I can’t get it out of my head.
Randy Seaver posted a blog last week about his most exciting genealogical discovery.
I am quite certain that the blog did not intend to deliver the message I took from it; nonetheless, it bothers me.
Randy’s most exciting discovery is that his second great-grandfather was adopted.
I understand the thrill of finding new information. I have yelled loudly in public places and danced around the room while security guards were summoned to deal with the crazy person. Discovering that one of your ancestors was adopted is exciting. It’s part of the story and, as genealogists, once we move out of the name-collecting phase the story is what we care about.
But Randy goes on to say that he had to excise an entire pedigree from his family tree. He does say he kept the family in his database; I’m not sure as what. Now he is looking for the bio parents. I assume they will replace the other family in the tree.
No, please no, it has to be the other way around.
My favorite cousin is adopted. We share a family; my 2nd great-grandfather is her second great-grandfather. There’s a reason we have phrases like “biological parents” and “birth parents.” It’s to distinguish those people from the real parents. My cousin has found her birth parents and has some new cousins. That’s great. You can’t have too much family. (Well, of course you can, but we don’t have to talk about that).
Here’s the point, really, I’m getting there. I don’t want to be excised! Future researchers, reading this long after I’m gone, if reading is still what you do, don’t excise me! It hurts. My whole crazy family, whoever’s womb they emerged from, needs to stay together. I don’t care how long I’ve been dead, I’m sticking with my cousin.
So the good news is Randy gets to keep a lot of folks in his tree and the bad news is….for once, there isn’t any bad news.
Thank you Nancy. Good luck with your research
I’m with you. When someone is adopted I think of it as for keeps – a member of the new family permanently. Add the biological parents but certainly keep the adoptive parents and adopted child together.
When I was a child my family occasionally visited a mentally limited man (I know there must be a politically correct way of saying that but I don’t know what it is) who was living in a county home. I didn’t know exactly who he was and my father never really explained any relationship. I’ve since learned that he was an adopted son of my great-grandparents (thereby making him my father’s uncle). It’s taking a bit of research to uncover information about him (since everyone who ever knew him is already dead), but I’m certainly going to add him to my family tree with his adoptive parents and their children.
I’m with you: adopted children belong with adopted parents.